The Zen Tangle Of Relationship

Everything in the world is complex yet at the same time simple. Knowledge makes things easy at times, still we also know innocence is bliss. There seems to be a flow in nature that you can never reverse or change, yet there are a lot of things you can also change. Isn’t the same with relationships too?

My mom loves me unconditionally,I love her back the same way. I always feel safe with her. when I was a teenage, as everyone does,I had a best friend. We shared such closeness like sisters of different mothers. Yet the friendship had its highs and lows. We had our fights, we had the possessiveness, expectations, love, care and all that. This friendship seemed to be eternal. We promised we would never change, we promised we would study in the same college, we promised to the moon and back. Living with out my friend or passing a day without seeing her  at that point in time seem to be next to impossible. Yet,Life always has its own plans. As I say we cannot change the flow in certain things.Life changed, I went to a different college, I was in hostel, it was very difficult in the beginning. The numerous letters  and  the greeting cards, kept us going for a while. The  big plans we made for next meeting, gave me the hope to carry on with my new set of friends.  All that got over once I got married and travelled abroad. The frequency of letters reduced, the meeting became very rare. She got married and set her on a different path. I still carry the essence of that beautiful friendship in me. Nothing can change that. Yet nothing can also change the fact that we both have changed. Found new friends, made a family, got children, got busy with work. Many many moths pass by with out even talking to each other. Now I only know she is doing fine and so does she know that limited information of me. 

Doesn’t time make us let go of things that we hold so dear and near. It does. It makes our memory fade away, our emotions brittle, most importantly it changes our perception of things. Now why did I write about the love my mom shared with me? I already mentioned it was unconditional. She never had  jealousy when I made new friends, she never felt ignored  when I spent all my time with my friends. She never ever questioned my love for her. That is unconditional love I would say. Is it possible to love anyone like that? I know all moms are like that. Ok at least most of the moms are like that. The  question is can we love the people around like that? It can be your friend, your spouse, your colleague , your neighbour, your family. 

I am sure you are thinking as much as I do or your are sure of your answer. whatever it is ,Let me tell you my experience with relationship and how I made sure I don’t get tangled in it. These are the 6 things I do to keep my peace in any relationship. 

1. Accept nothing is forever.

Nothing in this world is forever. Everything is temporary. You are also a temporary visitor to the planet. So when you get in to any relationship , accept the fact that things will change ultimately. this does not mean love will dwindle, it just means that the way of expression or the attention will change for sure. I know it is difficult to accept this fact. But this is how nature functions. We cannot rewrite the laws of nature. Acceptance of this truth will help you live in the moment and enjoy every moment of the relationship. This is  where the unconditional love can germinate.

1. You cannot control everything.

When it comes to a relationship , be it between the parent and the kid, the spouse or friends you cannot control the way they think out you. You cannot demand, love, respect , attention in any relationship. When you think you can control things you start to fail. You might see you win outside, but deep down it will never be true or genuine. 

1. Never expect.

Expectation in any relationship will not let you relish the true essence of the relationship. Your expectation can never be permanent, it keeps changing and can create a lot of tangles inside you head and also between the two of you. So learn to enjoy the person as they are and go with the flow. when you show love with conditions and rules, you restrict yourself the pleasure of the true essence of it.

1. Be empowering.

The space you give to the other person will sure empower them to grow from inside. The relationship should also be an enhancing experience for both. Curtailing the growth of your partner or a friend or even your children in the name of love is something you should always be carful of not doing. When you can empower each other, you will be surprised to see the different versions of the same person as they bloom. imagine if the person is not allowed to grow beyond how you found them, will it not be boring ?

5. Let go.

If any relationship is deep or if you have the true connect, you can always let it go and be assured it will not go. By letting go I just mean letting go of the control. Let go of the urge to dominate, the urge to be possessive, the urge to take the ownership of the person. In nature no one can take the ownership of anything. 

6.Stay focused on enhancing yourself.

The best gift you can give your partner, friend or children is a the enhanced version of you. Make sure you work on your health, money managing skills, communication skills, the way you dress up, the way you make and maintain friends, your spiritual life and more importantly what you offer to the relationship. Self care should be your priority so that all the relationships you have in life is fulfilling. They way your care about yourself is how you will be able to care for others.

Start small and you will soon be able to untangle all the tangles you have so far. Live a mindful life and that’s how you get in to the helm of unconditional love.

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